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#47826 - 10/18/03 05:26 PM Being a gay Hindu - My first step towards freedom *****
babu_81 Offline
stranger

Registered: 10/18/03
Posts: 1
[color:black] [/color]

Accepting your orientation is not easy. Accepting the fact that you are different from others, and that is the thing that is always going to remain with you, that you cannot change - is a difficult pill to swallow.

For me, it took 30 years to accept the fact, that I am gay. Coming from a small town, where joint family system is still in existence, it was not an easy thing to do. Add to fact, that I am a Brahmin, makes it more difficult to defy the traditional norms. Nobody in my family would be able to understand the fact, that I need a man as a companion, as a soul mate, not a woman.

The breaking of my marriage was first step towards breaking the tradition. In our society, divorce is a four-letter ugly word. Once you marry, you are tied for the life. You face each up and down in your life with a smiling face, but never would think of dissolving your marriage. However I was lucky, by the fact that no questions were asked about the breaking. Only reason for breakage - cannot enjoy a normal married life and medical world did not have solution of problem.

But from a kid roaming in the streets of a small Gujarat town, to strolling in the gay neighbourhood in Toronto, I feel I have come a long way. But I have still long way to go. I am still in the closet. I am still not out to any of my family members. But slowly, I will have to do it, if I want to enjoy a normal "married" life with my soul mate.

I am lucky, that being Hindu, religion was never an obstruction towards accepting my orientation. It were the traditional cultural values, the societal norms and morals, that made my life more difficult. It would be difficult for my parents and family members to believe, that their son wanted a man in his life, not a woman. Even making them, understand the concept of homosexuality will be a tough task. Because, when it comes to homosexuality, it is always considered as a deviant behaviour. Nobody is able to understand about the mindset of a gay person, and his emotional needs.

Hinduism has never objected homosexuality. I am sure; "Kamasutra" would have references towards homosexual relationship. I do not think Vedas or Geeta might have any objection with whom I tie a bond. I am practising the four tenets of Geeta - "Dharma" or fulfillment of all my duties towards family and towards society, "Arth" - Making money, "Kaam" - Fulfillment of desires, "Moksh" - Enlightenment or renunciation. So "Kaam" is my duty towards my body and mind. And I am supposed to fulfill it, not repress it.

Hinduism teaches me what to do and what not. It does not direct me what to do and what not. I am not forced to practise anything, just because the scriptures say so. There is no religious head, shouting at me, saying that if I sleep with another men, I am going to hell. There is nobody for me to give orders on name of Hinduism. I am at my own free will. I have the freedom to choose what I can do and what not. I think that is the best gift Hinduism can offer to me.

I am vegetarian by my own choice. I have never eaten meat because I do not feel like eating it. My Hindu background or Gujarati Culture has very little to with it. Even if I wanted to eat meat, I wonder if my God has objected to me eating meat.

But cultural values does have impact on me, and as result, I am in search of a companion, a soul mate, rather than switching my partners every day. I think that is where culture comes as a barrier. It is difficult for me to hold my ideas about a monogamous relationship in a community, where long term relationship are few, and there is no societal or moral pressure to preserve a relationship. However, Canadian government’s decision to allow same-sex marriages, points to the fact that there are sufficient people in society here, that treats the same-sex relationship in same way as a heterosexual relationship. That is sufficient to boost my confidence in my idea of finding my partner, my friend, my soul mate someday - Hope in very near future

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#47827 - 10/18/03 11:12 PM Re: Being a gay Hindu - My first step towards freedom [Re: babu_81]
Americanhindu Offline
guru
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Registered: 06/16/02
Posts: 3559
There are MBs where you can find your ideal partner. Have you tried them?

Hinduism doesn't discriminate or reject anyone, based upon their sexual orientation at all. How does your Hindu family react to your preference? Please reply, if you like.

I don't mean to pry into your personal life here. I am a liberal mom and a democrat, who fight for the rights of many people w many difft issues.

Are there a lot of gay people in India?

_________________________
I love hinduism the best. MAY Almighty BRAHMAN bless you all every day!

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#47828 - 10/19/03 09:22 AM Re: Being a gay Hindu - My first step towards freedom [Re: babu_81]
Shaivite Offline
guru
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Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 2999
I don't know if there is too much I can add here, but I really appreciate you for voicing your story and situation. I haven't been to India but from what I've heard and seen from Indian immigrants to America, Indian cultural values seem to sometimes be at odds with Sanatana Dharma. Homosexuality and heterosexuality both have no place in Sanatana Dharma. In other words, they have no relevancy because the dharma is about understanding your soul and God; it is about a spiritual journey of attaining Self-Realization and God-Consciousness. Sexuality has to do with the physical and temporary body. Indian cultural values may certainly condemn homosexuality but Sanatana Dharma does not as there is no relevancy involved. In Hinduism, you try to follow the right dharma to the best of your ability and you must use your intellect to make the right decisions. You can be a monogomous homosexual and be more spiritually advanced than a monogomous heterosexual. There just is no relevancy. As with everything, moderation and reducing attachments are the keys. As long as homosexuality (or heterosexuality) is part of your life but not is your life, that is a good thing.

You mentioned the difficulty of finding a long-time companion. I think that is a problem in today's society regardless of sexual orientation. My recommendation would just be to not let yourself get attached to this quest. If a companion comes along, great. If not, don't fret about it. I don't normally mention this, but perhaps I should given the context of this discussion. I'm almost 19 years old and I have been celibate my entire life. I just have focused my energies on more imporant things than trying to get in a relationship. I just don't have that attachment to have to have any kind of a mate or partner. If somebody comes along, great and if not, who cares. I suppose if I was 40 and that was still the case I would be more concerned but then I think we need to take life one day at a time, not care about what other people think, and just do what makes us happy without worrying about being happy.

Enough said. Namaskaar. CC

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#47829 - 10/22/03 01:00 AM Re: Being a gay Hindu - My first step towards freedom [Re: babu_81]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi. First of all, congratulations for realize who you are! I am a gay woman and I would like to interchange points of view about life with somneone like me. Unfortunately I am not Hindu, but I am VERY interested in Hinduism, Hindu culture, Hindu persons, New Age, etc. If you want to contactme, pls. e-mail to: highclassbaby@hotmail.com. Best regards.

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#47830 - 10/22/03 02:06 PM False: "Homosexuality and heterosexuality both have no place in SD". [Re: Shaivite]
Americanhindu Offline
guru
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Registered: 06/16/02
Posts: 3559
That is what CC wrote earlier here. He is wrong. Our Trinity deities are all in pairs of male and female aspects of BRAHMAN. W/o male and female aspects of BRAHMAN and PRAKRITI, there is no creation on earth of people or any living organisms.

In Hinduism there is NO sanction for Homosexuality. In kama Sutra it is described as one of the preferences fro people of the same gender and now they call it sexual orientation only.

Therefore, to say Homosexuality and heterosexuality, both have no place in Hinduism in absurd and wrong interpretation of what is given in our hindu texts and scriptures!

Swamiye Saranum Iyappa..There is a deity in Kerala State, who is supposed to be the son of MAHAVISHNU AND SHIVA. Both being Male aspects of our Trinity, it was meant to show that "Two male members of any society" can adopt a child. In this story, MAHAVISHNU actually disguises as a woman to be wife of LORD SHIVA, it seems allegorically (sp?). There is a provision to include transsexuals as well here or cross dressers as well.

Hinduism is actually a very complex theory and practice. It includes every aspect of human life, like no other religion or cult in this world does, to expalin the phenomena, from a religious perspective, so that people accept people, who are differently oriented or may behave differently due to their innate gunas or tendencies. Homosexuality is NOT a learned behavior, but it stems from genetic mutations or it can be viewed as a variant sexuality only.

Some like opposite sex and some like same sex people. Nothing more than that. In both the incidences, there are people who have no kids, as an outcome of their sexual behaviors.
_________________________
I love hinduism the best. MAY Almighty BRAHMAN bless you all every day!

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#47831 - 10/23/03 03:36 AM Re: False: "Homosexuality and heterosexuality both have no place in SD". *DELETED* [Re: Americanhindu]
marik Offline
elder
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Registered: 07/06/03
Posts: 1366
Loc: United States
Post deleted by Shaivite
_________________________
By cultivating friendliness towards happiness and compassion towards misery, gladness towards virtue and indifference towards vice, the mind becomes pure. -- Patanjali

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#47832 - 10/23/03 04:19 AM Re: False: "Homosexuality and heterosexuality both have no place in SD". *DELETED* [Re: marik]
AKMehta Offline
guru
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Registered: 03/21/02
Posts: 3170
Loc: Bihar/ Uttaranchal, India
Post deleted by Shaivite
_________________________
Jai Guru Dev SATYAMEVA JAYTE ( TRUTH WINS ALWAYS) AmH i.e.SN(Shoorpi) banned me in immoral & illegal way but owners expelled her as moderator.This dirty act of AmH resulted in extra IDs as under: AKM,AKM1,Atul Mehta,AKMehta1,AKMehta & AKMehta3

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#47833 - 10/23/03 05:00 AM Re: False: "Homosexuality and heterosexuality both have no place in SD". *DELETED* [Re: AKMehta]
marik Offline
elder
***

Registered: 07/06/03
Posts: 1366
Loc: United States
Post deleted by Shaivite
_________________________
By cultivating friendliness towards happiness and compassion towards misery, gladness towards virtue and indifference towards vice, the mind becomes pure. -- Patanjali

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#47834 - 10/25/03 09:07 AM Re: False: "Homosexuality and heterosexuality both have no place in SD". [Re: Americanhindu]
Shaivite Offline
guru
***

Registered: 11/06/02
Posts: 2999
AmH, as usual you misunderstand what I say. I am not referring to depictions of gods here or to genders. I am talking about a spiritual dharmic yoga path. Heterosexuality, homosexuality, or just sexuality in general is just irrelevant to any kind of a spiritual path. There is nothing wrong with sexuality, but you must realize that it pertains to the physical body only and not the spiritual soul. Unconditional love pertains to the soul, but sex is just a physical act. Hinduism is nothing and worthless without any kind of spiritual path or yoga path. It doesn't matter what the Kama Sutra says here, because sexuality is meaningless in terms of the soul. The soul does not have a gender, sexual orientation, or race. Comparing sexuality to Sanatana Dharma is like comparing a Britney Spears CD to mantra meditation. There is nothing wrong with either, but the latter provides a goal and path in life while the former is simply a sense gratification. As always, moderation is the key! CC

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#47835 - 11/01/03 05:26 AM Re: Being a gay Hindu - My first step towards freedom [Re: babu_81]
marik Offline
elder
***

Registered: 07/06/03
Posts: 1366
Loc: United States
Namaste Babu_81 and welcome,

Quote:

Hinduism teaches me what to do and what not. It does not direct me what to do and what not. I am not forced to practise anything, just because the scriptures say so.




This is one of the first aspects of Hinduism and Sanatana Dharma that I fell in love with also.

Quote:

I am vegetarian by my own choice.




Good for you! So am I As of about the middle or end of July I have not eaten meat of any kind and I know I will never again.

Sometimes, being a vegetarian in the heart of grain and livestock country, is rather "ostracizing" as well. Every occasion at work is celebrated with FOOD FOOD FOOD. I really didn't notice it before, but many people are obsessed with food...really, it is a very serious thing to them... and there is always either something containing meat, or something loaded with sugar. I wish most of it could be shared with someone who's really hungry, instead of a few people stuffing themselves into oblivion.
But they aren't going to change just because I am trying to live true to my beliefs and feelings. I try to not be judgemental of them, yet knowing they see and talk about me like i am some kind of alien with weird eating habits. And believe me, its no joking matter. If I were to go back to eating meat.. only much much more of it than I did before, and gain 50 to 75 pounds, I'd be miss popularity! (well, I guess I AM joking a little )
I guess I'm trying to say that there are varying degrees of what you go through, and this that I have told is in no way comparable to your predicament, still I can have compassion because of having seen the same TYPE of mind-set, only to a much tinyer degree. I know I can't even begin to imagine some of the incredibly tough situations you have faced in your life. I'm glad you have found a place that is more tolerant and non-judgemental. And I am very happy that Hinduism is part of your life.

Don't be too impatient for your soul-mate to come along. Just live a good life, embrace your beliefs, have some fun, and he will find you.

Good luck and love
marik
_________________________
By cultivating friendliness towards happiness and compassion towards misery, gladness towards virtue and indifference towards vice, the mind becomes pure. -- Patanjali

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